growing littleMany people say " GROW UP!"
I say "GROW LITTLE!"
We all have to start somewhere.
In this journey down memory lane. The painful journey of my sisters, and brother. I never in growing up called them *half* ..half sisters, half brother. Now I MUST do this. In the simple fact, that I was not nor never was considered to be one of them. I was a stranger. This was sad for them and for me. None of us realized what was going on at that age. We all were expected to understand the adult rules. The cruelty that went on with everyone involved in this cycle.
I remember that I did have some peace of mind growing up however. I use to go with my Papa Gil to his Mama's house. My Great Gran. They would take me to her cabin up in the mountains to a place called Crismon , Colorado. This was an old mining community. I loved it , and I will always hold this dear to my heart , as I hold her. I never at any time suffered cruelty from my Papa Gil's family. Actually I think they *liked* me? And I always had fun. I had a favorite Aunt too. My Aunt Betty. I adored her, and I know she adored me. My mom finally told her to stop giving me gifts. [ Momma Pauline did not like Papa's side of the family ] and suddenly I was not going over to see my Great Gran as much. However, those memories never ever died either. Those were so very very good!!! I missed my Papa's family. In that , Mama never invited them to my second wedding. NOR third! I was invisible. I felt like I was always the dirty secret of the family.
The dirty secret was always the people who were hiding me..
Those folks were the mean ones. I would hear Mama and Papa fight all the time. He would drink over my being there. BUT, he was not sad about that. It was the treatment. Mama was angry that I was there. He got so mad at her one day he said " Than send HER BACK TO GAYLE!!!"Mama said " I can't , and you KNOW WHY!! DAMN YOU!!!"
I could NOT figure that argument out. I thought it was because Don was hurting me.. or something like that?Or maybe it was because I got sick on the Merry-Go - Round the last time I saw my real Mommy? She got really pissed about that. She hit me hard across the face and took me home. Said that I was a whimp and could not handle anything!
That was ok.. My room always had to be clean. Dolls in order. Under pants on the dolls. My Mama always made my dolls their underwear. She said all dollies HAD to have panties. I got into trouble if I messed their hair up. Mama would say" You WILL NOT get another dollie if you treat them that way. She meant it too.
I loved my dolls.
I had a pink elephant named "elly"My real Mommy got her for me when I was about 4 or 5 ? She got Elly in New Orleans, just for me. I carried around Elly for many years.She was soft ,pink and incredibly squishy.
Then.. along came a stranger into town.. a green bunny .. from my older sister.. [ who I do CALL sister! Her and I were raised together! ] who bought this bunny right before Easter. Her name was greeny. BUT, mom thought that was stupid.
So she was re-named Mint. Mint had arrived.

2 small zucchinis
6 eggs
375 ml of fresh cream
90 G feta with the naturalness
1 Cs chive salt, pepper

To peel zucchinis and to grate them finely (with the grater with cheese or the robot)
To make return the zucchinis pdt 2mn to soft fire, while stirring up in a little fat content.
To beat omelette eggs, to add fresh cream and grate feta finely. To salt and pepper. To pour this preparation on zucchinis. pour in a dish with puffed up or in individual ramequins. To strew with chive
To put at the furnace beforehand preheated HT 5 (180°C) during 50 to 60 minutes (for a large dish)

I had to leave my den today, to take transport in commun runs... All these people....

But in all cases, I do not regret it, because I am making touner my first machine 100% ecologist!

I wait for the verdict...

Feeling Mischievous Hearing Brandingburg Concertos Strong enough to bend
For years I used to practice spirituality in a very rigid way. Lovingkindness and compassion was what I lived by as a Buddhist. There was no bending when the winds of hate, or anger came a blowing and I came to be a doormate in many ways. Sometimes is is necessary to sway in the wind and not be blow down and because the might oak can bend it isn't so easy to blow down. Practicing in a rigid way is a good way to get discouraged. Lighten up and say what's on your mind when it is necessary is what I say and avoid phoniness in spiritual practice. Treating people nicely no matter how they treat you is a silly way to practice. As I finally found it to be then and how I see it now, I was kind to everyone except me with this type of practice. If someone hurts my feelings today, I'll let them know and sometimes in a firm way. My secret is: I always return to lovingkindness through forgiveness and I try not to hold onto grudges by actively trying to repair damaged relationships. This is the right policy for me today.

WHEN'S THE LAST TIME I SAID ANYTHING "EARTH SHATTERING"?
It's hard to write any hard hitting posts about "real" topics when your day revolves around getting to work at 6:30 in the morning so you can be bothered half asleep by meat heads that work at the gym and office geeks who think they need 500grams of protien in everything they eat or drink. Mix that with a steady schedule of playing "State of Emergency" (my new GTA until I can get a copy of Vice City) like a crack junkie with a fix and the constant trips to school to find out the teacher is not there (or the substitute for that matter.).
The new Satalite is finally in. I have 8 HBO's, and the only thing playing is "RoboCop 2" and "My Best Friends Wedding". 1000 channels of mostly the same 60 channels that you have on cable. Even with this flurry of new viewing options, I haven't paid attention to current events. Life can really suck it you know. To sit in the dark is bliss. I don't read Pundits so I don't get any news influence at all unless it's something earth shattering. They say "Ignorance is Bliss" and I couldn't agree more. The less I know about whats going on in the real world, the better I feel. Your own life can crumble around you, but your too busy watching everyone else's first!
My goals for the weekend are:
1. Get a bottle of whatever and drink it. Not to drown my sorrows or party with boys. Just to have that feeling where your dumb as fuck, but you don't care and you are invincible.
2. Shoot pool with anyone. I would prefer Haro just because I can have a chill relaxing game with him with no worries.
3. Veg and watch movies. I don't know what movies, but I have 8 HBO's now so I'm bound to find atleast one decent movie.

Here, it is decided, I is put at the mode!



It is on, that will be hard... but I cannot see myself any more, I do not look at myself even more in the mirror, I have shame to leave at home...

It IS NECESSARY that I lose!

This blog will help me to hold good, I begin it in the course of road of mode, but I tried to make my to better recall these last months of war against these kilos...

From today, I note my loss of weight quotidienement, my impressions, in short, all that touches with this war against the kilos!

If you are in the same situation that me, do not hesitate to leave me comments, your bonds of blogs, so that one can help oneself to finish some with these kilos which puff out us the life!

Small history of the soap of Alep:

The ancestral manufacturing process originating in the town of Alep in Syria goes up with more than 2 thousand years, and the receipt hardly changed since. The secrecy of this soap lies in the use of the olive oil and the bay oil of bay-tree. These two ingredients are mixed in a large stone cauldron to which one adds soda and water. At the end of cooking the paste is spread out, then cut out of piece. In order to harden the soap, it is dried with the free air during several months. It is there, which it passes from the dark green color to the clear beige, but under surface the color did not change. The soap of Alep is famous for its softness, its longevity and its powerful flavour coming from the bay oil of bay-tree. It is particularly recommended for the sensitive skins.

The use of the soap of ALep:

the soap of Alep is very respectful skin, it employs like daily soap, recommended for the fragile skins.
Enriched with oils bays of bay-tree, it is particularly advised like soap of care for the sensitive skins and those prone to acne, eczema, the mycoses, the psoriasis. It acts as support for the dermatological treatment.
Its softness and its disinfectants qualities make a natural ally of the personal hygiene of it.

It also employs like masks care of the face:

to let act 1 minute then to rinse with cold water.
It is used as soap to shave.

It can also be used as shampoo, it is very effective against the films.

One can also used for the toilet of baby.
Rubbed dry on the puncturesinsects, it alleviates itchings.
In the East, the soapAlep is cut out of pieces or is stored in blocks in the wall cupboards where it appears moth-killers naturalness.

One can liquify it, for that, to grate 200g of it, and to put it to heat in a pan with water 1litre, for a more pleasant perfume, one can add about fifteen essential oil drop (see which desired for the choice of HE)
It is in addition excellent detaching for: coffee spots, blood, paintings with water, aureoles of perspiration under the handles of clothing.
It is possible to preserve the blocks of soap several years.


I realized that, last week, I m did, not it was extasy on the fact that I had lost 2 cm of turn of buttocks.
Then, I cling, it is not the moment to drop.

I do not like the sun, it burns me, gives me too much hot, but it is necessary welto acknowledge, it is nevertheless good for the moral one. Every morning, I awake, I m’stretch, listens to the birds to sing, I look at the light filtering through the blinds and there I say myself " owl, it makes beautiful ", then I jump out of the bed, I precipitate towards the window (without me to get footholds in the cat) and opens the blind… big disappointment, it makes very bad, any gray, and if have chance, it rains in premium. The rainwinter depresses me a little, but it gives me desires too.want of softness, of heat,a good hot chocolate in front of the chimney a cat on the knees, or a tea with cinnamon, under the feather bed in the arms of my roudoudou. The rainbe gives me desireoutward journey for running below, of laughing with the glares and returning at home completely oozing to slip to me into a dressing gown in me to require what I well will be able to put. When the rain is really strong, likes to put to me at the window to look at the large drops S’crushing on the ground or people. But there, I am nevertheless in a hurry to re-examine the sun, to feel it to heat the ground and to make hatch the buds. The good weather gives me desirefor having an end of garden, to mow the lawn to only have odor of bleaches on grass coldly crossed. And then, I could also extend my linen, i have to it’adores also odor of the linen which dried outside.Its two odors are very familiar for me, but I also miss them, hopes to be able to find its small pieces of happiness very quickly. (that may be if that finds !)

This is just getting stupid now. On more than one occasion recently I've come heart-stoppingly close to grabbing my boss's lovely arse. It's like that thing people get when stood on say a cliff edge - an overwhelming urge to throw themselves over the edge. Everytime he stands near me I am mesmerised. An incredible impulse overtakes me to reach out and touch the goodness.The only thing that brings me back to my senses just in time is the thought of that awful awful moment - that split second after I give in to temptation, my hand is firmly resting on his buttock. He, and anyone else who happens to be the vicinity is looking at me in horror and confusion. A deathly silence has fallen. What do you say in a situation like that? "Just had a bit of dust there. ... That's got it. ....... Right, anyone for a cuppa?"Could I convincingly pass myself off as a pickpocket? But then if it's a choice between being labelled as a pickpocket, and being labelled as a pervy ass-grabber, I think the latter option is probably the lesser of the two evils. Probably.An unfortunate side-effect from this silent little inner mental battle I'm regularly dealing with means that I completely miss important pockets of the conversation, through not listening. He will be for example explaining to me something really rather urgent that needs completing. If he's standing within grabbing distance he's got no chance really.